19 Dec The Odyssey of My Eyebrows
“Why don’t you shave your eyebrows?!” Said stupid middle school boy. Actually, many middle school boys asked me that absurd question. They also asked why I didn’t pluck or wax, or even more dumbly, asked why my eyebrows were so big. Um, I came out of the womb with these monsters, thank you.
Despite knowing that shaving my brows was not the proper way to rid my face of the two embarrassing bushes above my eyes, I threatened my mom daily that I was going to take a razor to them. Some of my eyebrow hairs grew to my eyelid. This is no joke. My brows humiliated me, especially in the early 2000s when thin was in and Cara Delevingne didn’t grace every ad.
I wanted my brows gone! My mom said, “Trust me. One day you’ll be thankful for them.” I didn’t believe her for the longest time. Once we actually started playing with at-home wax kits and I got a hold of tweezers in high school, I over plucked, like most girls will at some point in their life. Knowing they were better before the weeding, I grew them back and began to appreciate them.
As I got into my 20s and a strong brow came into style, I played up my most prominent facial feature. They were officially “my thing.” I even made them thicker and started filling them in. Boxy, thick, and long. I thought that’s how they would be for the rest of my life.
Staying true to my mom’s guiding words, I never let anyone touch them. That is until I developed a girl crush on former Miss Universe Olivia Culpo. While she and I had a similar look, her eyebrows were perfectly arched, cut, and clean. I HAD to have them. But how?! For the first time since being a young teen, I thought, should I have someone else touch them?!
With my mom’s hesitant approval (at the age of 25), I was in the car on the way to get waxed just an hour after the idea came to me. My sister, quite the advocate of this endeavor, went into the waxing room with me to monitor the hair removal. I tried my best to explain that I still wanted to keep my brows thick, but I wanted a more shapely, clean look to the waxer who barely spoke English.
She started waxing away. My sister was smiling and giving me a thumbs up from the end of the bed. With the amount of pressing and pulling going on, you’d think the woman was waxing the legs of someone who’d be lost in the jungle for a year. I got worried after some time and I stopped her to sit up and look in the mirror. My caterpillars had become small black twigs surrounded by blazing redness.
Before vocalizing my terror, my sister leaned over holding her stomach. “I don’t feel good. I think I’m going to faint.” She dropped to her knees. “I’m going to throw up!” She said crawling to the garbage can in the small waxing room. Her sudden nausea disturbed me even more than the apparent loss of my signature feature. “Are you pregnant?!” I yelled. I don’t know why this was the conclusion I jumped to.
She opened the door and continued crawling to the bathroom, passing four puzzled ladies getting pedicures along the way. I quickly paid my waxer for her seemingly shitty work and went to check on my sister in the bathroom. I found her hovering over the toilet. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” I said concerned and frantic.
“Your eyebrows are gone and it’s all my fault! I felt so bad and responsible for ruining your face that I threw up.” My sister is not only the best sister there ever was, but she’s also one of the best humans on the planet. She literally got physically sick because she felt so guilty. Yes, she strongly encouraged me to get my brows waxed, but the blame couldn’t be put solely on her.
During the ten minute car ride home, I went from crying over the signifiant loss of my brows to laughing hysterically over my sister’s dramatic reaction.
Once I concealed the redness and filled in my brows a little, I started seeing things a bit differently. Wait a second…this looks kinda good…this looks kinda like Olivia!!! I showed my mom my new arches and she was said, “WOOWWW!!” I humbly spent the rest of the day looking in the mirror, taking selfies…
If you don’t get your eyebrows waxed or threaded (I thread now because my skin is so sensitive), I hope my story, in a weird way, encourages you to do so. It doesn’t matter how thin or thick your natural brows are, it’s key to get your brows shaped so that they best flatter your face. A good brow shaping can have facelift effect. Everyone deserves a $15 facelift.
Watch my brow shaping tutorial below!